What do people mean when they talk about a Personal Relationship with Jesus?
This is truly a profound question and one of the dramatic implications of the incarnation. Another key question is raised by the Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard, “What do I find in my deepest core to be true?” On reflection, he saw the answer as self-sacrificial love (agape) found in Jesus of Nazareth. For Kierkegaard, God was his way out of anxiety and despair. Here he thought was the “truth that edifies.” Philosopher Immanuel Kant saw, especially in his third tome on practical reason, that the existential human need was for justice and the good to prevail, and only a being such as an omni-benevolent and powerful God was adequate to secure this guarantee. There had to be a cosmic will, he thought, for human goodness to prevail. We have argued in this book that this works out in the culture of incarnational spirituality. This source in God would lead us to always treat others as an end in themselves rather than a selfish means to our ends. UBC philosopher Anders Kraal once noted in an interview, “God from ancient times (Plato and Aristotle) is the central explanatory concept. If you don’t understand this concept, you don’t understand the first thing about the world. Even the notorious atheist Nietzsche recognized this.”
“Agape is a prophetic love. It refuses to equate anyone with his immediate observable being. A human being is not deeply and essentially the same as the one who is visible to the employer, neighbour, salesman, policeman, judge, friend or spouse. A human being is destined to live in eternity and is fully known only to God. Agape is about the spiritual destiny of the individual; destiny is a spiritual drama. My destiny is my own selfhood given by God, but given not as an established reality, like a rock or a hill, but as a task lying under divine imperative…. Agape is simply the affirmation of this paradox and of this destiny underlying it. Agape looks beyond all marks of fallenness, all traits by which people are judged and ranked, and acknowledges the glory each person—as envisioned in Christian faith—gains from the creative mercy of God. It sets aside the most astute worldly judgment in behalf of destiny.” (G. Tinder, The Political Meaning of Christianity, 2000, 25, 28)
The individual self (soul/person), as we have seen, is elevated by this love, affirmed in its destiny. Agape informs the good and the quality of the will. It makes up for human weakness and selfishness. Trinitarian goodness empowers, clarifies, and animates the human self in its quest for true and sound spiritual identity and wholeness. It acknowledges the value that each person gains from the recognition, mercy, healing and affirmation of God. Within this frame, the individual powerfully engages this transforming love from the divine Other.
When I was dating my wife, I wanted to spend as much time as possible with her. Why was this the case? Because I wanted to get to know her better. I wanted to know what she liked, her values and character. I wanted to get to know her sense of humour, pet peeves, her passion. It turned out that our stories overlapped in significant ways. Also vitally interesting was her vision for life, her sense of calling. I soon began to realize that they would creatively align with mine; that seemed like a miracle at the time. We had fun exploring each other’s nuances and personality, hearing each other’s stories and laughing about the adventures in mountain climbing, travel, and work with students. Our curiosity was admittedly a little intense: I wanted to know everything. Was she the one? During this time, I had to learn how to make choices that showed her that I loved her, that is, if the relationship was going to be a serious one with depth and sincerity.
It was not all roses, but it was very creative and fun. This transition in life also involved some thought about, and sacrifice of, my own interests, time and goals as a single guy. I mused: How could I possibly integrate this complex, intriguing person into my already busy life? For example, to prove my interest in her joy of adventure and trekking, I did a six day hike with a group she helped guide in the Grand Canyon. Our love and mutual curiosity pushed me out of my comfort zone and into new experience of magnificent wonder and challenge. Clearly, I was going to have to grow and change, move to the next level. That was a tough hike with temperatures reaching 116 degrees Fahrenheit at the bottom of the canyon, complete with rattle snakes and scorpions. Every day, I was reminded of the biblical Exodus story—water was a premium for survival. Would I make it out? Six days was better than forty years.
But this is what happens when you love someone – you want a close, intimate, and personal relationship with openness, harmony and honesty between you. When it happens, it is magical. You really want to learn about and explore life together and bring your individual histories together. You learn how to work together and share in each other’s giftedness. You also push each other to risk new experiences, think new thoughts, growing into a new outlook as a couple. I also quickly realized that this precious relationship had to be protected. An intimate friendship is also very special, because you can share your burdens and joys, weaknesses and strengths without fear of rejection or judgment. You can laugh and cry together, spend time in comradery, go through tough experiences together. You help each other to grow, to stay in the game of life when it gets tough and complex: “You’re my person.” A conversation partnership within which you can trust the deeper things of the soul (including doubts and uncertainties) is worth its weight in gold. One might even suggest that this is essential to your existential wellbeing, allowing you to be more fully human. God knew what he was doing in his concern to incarnate his love; he has shown that we were not created to be alone. We become more fully human in a network of persons, a community carrying the good, the excellent and praiseworthy.
In many respects, the same goes with a relationship with Jesus. If you are looking into it out of curiosity, this means you aspire to learn about and follow him and learn from his teaching. You want to take him seriously in all that he represents and reveals about reality and about God’s character. It is no small adventure. You are open to the vulnerability of discovering the things he might reveal about you as well—even your darker secrets. The Bible indicates in no uncertain terms that you are generously invited to have a close, intimate, and personal relationship with him. You are invited to take on his yoke and his mission to make a better world, to live to a higher level, based on higher standards. This is an amazing opportunity to get to know the God who created you, and to find personal freedom in a covenant relationship with Messiah Jesus. What does this mean and how does it actually work?
When you investigate Jesus and his claims and then choose him as your mentor, you start on a lifelong adventure of faith, an enticing journey. This opens life up in unique and creative ways. You can also take yourself more seriously. You discover that you are loved by God himself. That is truly incredible. This relationship is lived out in prayer, worship, and Bible study with others—living life to the full. You will find yourself wanting to practice the virtues which are rooted in love, gratitude and humility. You start caring more about the interests of others: you will be found practicing justice, service to God, caring for the poor, the prisoner, the needy. In some ways, it will reshape your whole world and set of values and goals (transvaluation of your values).
It sets higher ideals for life lived for others, addressing human suffering and other existential concerns like meaning, identity and purpose. As you claim Jesus as your personal Lord and guide and accept God’s wisdom as your foundation, you will discover so much about your world. It will engage your history and experience, help you make sense of your past, address your pain, heal your brokenness. You will soon feel the security of his love, wisdom and direction, with less time spent of cleaning up from your mistakes. As with any healthy relationship, it starts with receptivity. You choose how vulnerable you want to be. It’s a choice only you can make, but one that makes a real difference. Following the Jesus Way involves a new stance in the world. Your parents or grandparents cannot choose faith for you. Neither the Church community nor a friend can choose for you. They can begin the introduction and inspire you about the promise, the hope and meaning they now experience. But the leap of faith is all up to you.
Here’s a caution. Some people choose a mere intellectual view of God, but this is not yet a personal relationship. An intimate relationship must be cultivated in faith and humility, with a longer term commitment that engages your whole life. It sets new priorities. Some like the idea of an all-powerful, benevolent Being, but still want to be autonomous in living for their own selfish interests. What can belief in God do for them? To intellectually know about Jesus, or have an admiration for Jesus is fine. But, this does not constitute the full reality of discipleship, which is what we want. There is much more colour and texture to a robust relationship that involves obedience to his teaching on life and personal stewardship. Love comes with expectations. Once we start investigating his story, many of us have lots of questions. That’s normal, because there is a lot to process in his identity, teaching and claims, and the demands he places on our lives. Some things are shocking, but good. Darrell Johnson articulates this so well in Who Is Jesus? (2011). C. S. Lewis may also help you make sense of things (Mere Christianity). Tim Keller has clarified many hard questions in Reason for God; and Making Sense of God. You may also have heard about the Alpha Course, which is an introductory round table discussion on faith and its nuances in a safe environment, where all inquiring questions are welcome and respected.
Giftedness, as depicted in Romans 12 and Ephesians 4, will be released in you to accomplish things you may never have thought possible. A new you emerges. He will help set you free from habitual obsessions and addictions. With Jesus, you get perspective on your stress and anxiety as Kierkegaard wrote. Through forgiveness and reconciliation, he will lead you into relational and communal health. Some have experienced radical change. Most of all, Jesus leads us to become people of character able to face the challenges of life with courage and optimism, able to grapple with problems without despair. Former UBC President Dr. Santa Ono believes that it can add so much to our mental health. We find that we are able take up our responsibility for others and for the common good. We are set free from fate, karma and boredom. We are no longer morally frozen, or addicted to our own lower desires, lusts and cravings. It is a relationship rooted in love, not only for this life but also the one to come (Romans 8). Jesus wants to be your friend and help you clear the rubbish from your life. He showed this concern most dramatically when he died on the cross. Who could imagine that any human being could express such love?
John 1: 1-18 shows how Jesus, although God, made himself accessible to us. The Word became flesh and journeyed with us, lived with us, shared our humanity in the most profound event of human history. The Creator joined his creatures on planet earth, in an amazing self-humbling, self-sacrificial exercise (Philippians 2). But we must choose Jesus in faith, receive the gift of his revelation, his sacrifice, expose ourselves to his moral light, engage in the kind of lifestyle he offers, empowered by his grace to live it. Faith is a grateful response to such a gift. Being able to say “yes” to Jesus is only possible because God has chosen and pursued you first. He has had his eye on you for a long time; he has good intentions towards you; he invites you into his family (Ephesians 1). Abraham Heschel says, “God has proven that he is interested in humans and has not given up on them.” That often comes as a stunning realization for many people: that God invites us into conversation and ultimately into friendship and divine communion. That’s a lot to get your head around. We are assured that Jesus is the Yes and Amen to it all (https://ubcgcu.org/2015/01/29/jesus-as-an-affirmative/), the best empirical evidence we have of a loving God who cares about the whole world, including you.
Hope this Helps,
Dr. Gordon E. Carkner
Surprised by Oxford by Carolyn Weber (2011), is a story of someone who found God through dialogue, wrestling and reflection while doing her PhD in Romantic Literature at Oxford.
See also https://ubcgcu.org/2015/01/29/jesus-as-an-affirmative/ Jesus as an affirmation of humanity.
And try https://ubcgcu.org/2012/08/23/faith-comes-from-social-conditioning/ Is faith in God a result of social conditioning? This is a regular question asked by seekers and skeptics alike. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fxf_J3nvwgs
Tim Keller, The Struggle for Love https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4JD0EW8De0
Tim Keller, How to Cultivate Friendship with God: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgwzuFG5LCk
Why an Atheist Scientist Became a Christian in Later Life: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMBQwGzn_TE
Joseph Loconte (2015) captures the story of C.S. Lewis awakening in his A Hobbit, a Wardrobe, and a Great War: How J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis Rediscovered Faith, Friendship, and Heroism in the Cataclysm of 1914- 18.
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